i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
