Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
