I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
