I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Randomize
