We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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