You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Randomize
