And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
