Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
