lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
