Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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