My nipple is on Facebook.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Randomize
