She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
