Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
