So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Im part way to drunk.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
