Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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