Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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