The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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