Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
