You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
