It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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