she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
