Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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