I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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