Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
