We're facebook friends in real life
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
