dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize