moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
