She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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