Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
