he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I think my moral compass just broke
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