Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
