I think i sorta joined a cult last night
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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