Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
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