I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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