...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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