How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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