OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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