just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
