if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Help me help you realize you are a moron
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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