I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
