Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
