just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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