well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
