You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
it was like eating out sand paper
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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