i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
