I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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