Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
