you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
