Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
