These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
