Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I think I died a long time ago.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
