I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
